The humble villager

We all talk about the bro code but only when it suits us. Here are a few things guys should always be aware of:

1. My money is just that, MINE. The money is not OURS.

2. I am not a debt collector. If you owe me, only one of us should be hungry and it isn’t me. Lets not play cat and mouse.

3. The things I tell you in confidence, yes those kinky things, shouldn’t be relayed back to me by “concerned” acquaintances armed with bibles.

4. Don’t touch me by “mistake”when you are drunk. I see you 

5. Don’t look confused when it’s time to actually pay for the cab/meal/stripper

6. Don’t touch my KFC skin. Just don’t!!

If we follow these very simple rules I can assure you world peace will be just around the corner. Lets respect each other, please. 

I know that I am just a villager and all but I certainly know a thing or two about good manners! For example, double dipping is a no no people. Please dip once and be on your way. Many a public gathering have been ruined by cheeky guests who insist on sharing their unique strain of swine flu. That is rude.

Going for that extra piece of pizza when you know bloody well that you already had your share. Rude.

Paying the exact amount of your bill when its clear that a service charge has been added and innocently looking away expecting the rest of us to cover it. Rude

Ladies when I offer to buy you a flipping expensive shot (student budget) and you invite your four ‘besties”. Rude

When everyone but you contributes to a drinkup because you insist you aren’t keen…put the drink down. Rude

Crashing a strictly invite only birthday party. WTF?!? Rude

Wearing a tiny dress in the middle of winter and looking longingly at my jacket. Ladies stop this. Rude

BASIC etiquette people. basic.I remember giving a homeless man R5 the one day and he was extremely grateful. This made me feel all warm inside and I proceeded to skip the rest of the way home. The very next day the same man approached me DEMANDING money. Yes, I was walking on his street and I had to cough up. The tongue lashing I received that day still haunts me. This hobo had made two mistakes. 1. He felt entitled to my money  2. He had stopped respecting himself.

I try to live by the saying “Do unto others.” Whatever the situation, I try to put myself in the other persons position before making a judgement call. I can be hard headed at times and act selfishly, but its the eventual acknowledgment of these shortcomings that gives me hope. We live and learn from our moments of weakness. Some people genuinely never see anything wrong with their obnoxious conduct and that’s fine because I will always be here to correct them :-) 

If you never bathed in a river, stream, or shallow puddle then you didn’t have a proper childhood. The river was about wrestling with cousins, laughing at less endowed peers and stripping for some of the local ladies. Good times!

I understand that we all had different upbringings BUT I still think that mine trumps yours. I learnt to be proud of my body at a very young age because there was absolutely no privacy in the village. You couldn’t exactly book the river for a particular time so modesty was never an option. James had by far the smallest penis, but after laughing at him for a few years he came to understand that…actually I have no idea what he could have possibly learnt from that humiliation. Perhaps he learnt that life is tough and that you just have to deal. James left home at 15.

On a lighter note I learnt how to swim at the river. Ok, it wasn’t really swimming but it will take a lot for me to drown in most splash pools. I learnt how to share the bar of soap (which doubled as body lotion) and I learnt the art of the air dry. The river created an environment of togetherness because if one child came home dirty, we were ALL labeled dirty and subsequently beaten. I have the scars to prove it. I guess what I am trying to say is that the simple act of taking a bath was an amazing learning experience most urban dwellers fail to understand.